Dadisms

Dad Quotes and Dad Jokes - Father’s Day from the Caritas Staff

Dadisms are the things quintessential to all Dads: Bad Jokes, small quips, and things we have all heard our Father’s say at one time or another. This Father’s Day we thought we would share our most heard, groaned over, and loved quotes and jokes along with resources for the man. Join us for a celebration of all things DAD.

“Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, storytellers, and singers of song." – Unknown.

Groan-worthy Dad lines:

Child: “I’m hungry....” Dad: “Hello hungry, nice to meet you!”

"Working hard or hardly working?"

“Can you do mine next?” To a neighbor washing their car.

When we were out to eat and the server asked, “Did you enjoy the food? “, my dad with empty plate in front of him always replied, “Oh, no, we didn't like it at all!”

Child: “What time is it?” Dad: “Time for you to get a watch!”

“I guess they let ANYONE in here.” Anytime dad would see a friend at the store.

“I guess we’ll have to amputate.” - To a kid with a minor cut.

When someone says “See you later.” Dad: “Don’t threaten me!”

“No, your other right.” - When a kid mistakes left for right… (It’s the little things)

When an item doesn’t scan at the cash register dad would always say, “Guess it’s free then.”

Child: “Dad, can you put my shoes on?” Dad, “I don’t think they’ll fit me.”

Son: “I’ll call you later.” Dad: “Don’t call me later, call me Dad.”

The most common Dad lines every father utters at one point or another:

“Ya know, when I was a kid…”, this line ALWAYS leads into any good dad story... repeated multiple times.

“What’s the damage?” to any server when they bring the bill.

“If someone told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?” the classic dad teaching moment we have all heard, repeated, and groaned about.

Dad while knocking impatiently on the bathroom door, “Did you fall in?”

“What, are you going to sleep all day?” the inevitable quip if you sleep in.

“We needed this rain.” Literally every time it rains accompanied by a sage head nod.

“I was just resting my eyes.” When caught napping in the recliner.

“Good thing we got here when we did.” When the line you are waiting in grows long.

“Don’t let the bedbugs bite.” as he tucks you into bed.

“Won’t get very far without these!” When almost forgetting the car keys.

“We’re leaving. Did everybody pee?” When the family is about to go anywhere in the car regardless of how long the trip.

“Gas is $____. It’s $____ at home.” When driving by any gas station a few miles or more from home.

“Money doesn’t grow on trees.” when child asks for something or when teaching his children the value of a dollar.

“Don’t spend it all in one place.” When handing out money for anything.

“I’m not paying to heat (cool) the whole neighborhood!” When the door inevitably gets left open by someone.

“Turn off the lights, do you think I am made of money?” when the lights are on in any room but the one currently occupied.

And for the Truly Terrible…. Dad Jokes!

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.

Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda-pressing!

What do alligators drink when they’re thirsty?
Gatorade.

What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.

What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself?
Because it’s too tired.

What happens if a frog parks illegally?
They get toad.

The past, present & future go to a bar; things were tense.

What do you call a person who tells dad jokes but has no kids? A faux pa.

Dad memories and moments from the Staff

One of my favorite memories would be having conversations with him under the tree in our front yard, just him giving me advice. One of the things that he always encourages us to do is when you see something that's wrong, always speak up. - Lulu

My favorite memory with my dad is just sitting on the couch, watching tv and spending time with him. When I would get up to leave he would always hold my hand for a minute and always make sure to say “I love you. Come see me again soon?” even though I would visit at least 3 or 4 times a week. He always wanted to spend time together and I will miss him for it always. - Christina

Resources for Dad

Resources for the dad in your life. All are geared toward being the best dad possible, from parenting tips and tricks to mental health resources. Dad’s don’t usually want to talk about things, but that can change. The links below allow dad to learn and work on what he wants, in his own time, with just a click of a button.  LINKS BELOW!

MANTHERAPY FATHERLY FATHERING TOGETHER FATHERHOOD MODERN DAD DAD CENTRAL

HERE-TO-HELP THERAPY FOR BLACK MEN FATHERS UPLIFT PADRE CADRE CITY DADS DAD HOW

Have some Dadisms you would like to share? Drop a comment below or email your responses to Christina.Harsch@CaritasClinics.org